You lived a life brother…
daring to push all the boundaries of modesty
with a Cheshire’s grin.

You push every door 
to see if it would open onto a magical adventure 
filled with any moment that you could seize.

That same life went from the joy maker to the lonely clown 
but we didn’t see those tears 
we just heard that laughter

Oh, that laughter…
a sound that reverberated from every corner of indecency 
that caught so many damsels off guard 
and caused an unfathomable blush… which you adored.

Your dreamscape was that of an artist often tortured 
but you never stopped searching for the beauty of what was next.
the music that lived in your soul
a picture that was yet to be taken
a meal not yet made or savored

You were family brother
family that you loved madly yet
held at an arm’s length           

A mama’s boy with a papa you could never please.
An older sister you loved madly and pushed until she was mad
A little brother who was equal parts oil and water
A sister you tortured… just because
A sister who you left always on a tightrope, for fun.
A couple of us who shared a secret bond while living our very different lives.

Your gay life was my tutor with all its colors and flair.
the follow the leader that showed me
how to lead with the heart.

The heart that could be so easily hurt…
but better to have loved hard and given generously 
even if the break would shatter you deep inside your soul.

You were my protector brother, my hero ever since my knee-high memories began.
a rock star, a renaissance man
a self-made adventurer who never…let me down.

A life lived is not a life lost, or so they say…
but it is a loss that leaves so many lost among the living 
for we continue to look for that life
long after it has entered each of our souls.

Lance Harold Jones (April 6, 1956 – June 11, 2020) was my eldest brother who passed away June of 2020. He was just 64 years old but had aged decades after the loss of his husband Barry Williams in 2009. Barry was the love of his life. Lance was a self-made man; he understood business, could fix cars, do construction, sell anything. He earned a successful career in the computer world without a formal education. He was a fierce advocate for liberal politics and made it his life’s mission to reverse the effects of Fox News from our mother, a lifelong democrat, who lost her way when dementia took hold in her early 80’s. I am happy to report that he completed that mission beautifully and Mom voted for President Biden in the last election. (Congratulations and thank you Lance) Lance loved music and played the guitar and sang, as long as I can remember. Our sister Deb was often his co-star they were our own James Taylor & Carol King. He loved art & photography. He always appreciated an adventure, especially with friends. He loved to cook and eat and took to the finest things in life like a duck to water but could throw down with pretty much anybody he came across. Lance was a proud member of the queer community and took any opportunity he had to let people know it and learn from him. He was a great friend to a lot of people and stuck by many through hard times. Lance loved to party and had the most devilish laugh. He was so crazy with absolutely no filter which often made him embarrassingly fun to be around. Lance loved family, whether it was a chosen family or those of us he was blood to. To say Lance was a devoted son to our mom would be an understatement. I will likely miss my brother every day for the rest of my life but, “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  Be in peace now Lance, and if there is such a place as life after death, go live it with Barry and try not to get kicked out!

I love you,

Julie xoxoxo