Bipolar: There is nothing righter than the disease

You may never find the peace you strive for
although you search perusing the many possibilities that can get you there.
Then there is a crack and pieces of peace cover the ground
but not the piece of the peaceful mind
just that piece of glass that cuts into your skin asking for peace.

Your beautiful mind is in pieces spread across the universe
A shining of a star flaring too soon, a soul lost in space and time.
Your beauty flows swiftly and pools, your beauty, your blood
your mind swims lightly in a sense of peace.
The sun reflecting but not off your once bright eyes mind and spirit
Just off of your blood lost.

There is a glimmer of hope that steadies you as you go deeper
into this magical place where the release of inhibitions seem to come so easily
and all at once you are hoping that feeling will not end.
You don’t know who is controlling what or when what is controlling you
but you don’t care the who or what as the heat rises to the top of your
at last peace, some kind of peace.
But as the heat subsides and cool air rushes in you see you are left alone
but you can’t possibly be alone, you had peace, where is it now?
Maybe you are alone. Could you be alone?

You may never find the peace that you strive for, for it may not exist.
But pick up those pieces baby and see if they don’t just go back together
in a different way to create a new beautiful piece giving you the peace you so deserve.

Love,
Mommy

My daughter suffers alone with her bi-polar, with only her guides; her demons that tell her “right” from “wrong”. Trust me, her mom and I try to help. I pray prayers to rival the Pope; I fully expect white smoke to fly at any minute. Here’s the thing with mental illness that I am just beginning to understand. There is nothing righter than that disease in the moment. Bi-Polar is the powerful cunt that holds all of the cards. I adore my angel. From the minute that little baby girl was placed in my arms at the hospital I was hooked but there are more days than not that I have no idea who she is. I keep telling myself that puberty is upping the stakes, if her mom and I can keep her alive through this maybe with proper continued treatment she’ll be okay… I hate the word okay. I want her to be better than okay. I want that brilliant light to shine as she goes through life. God has delivered an Angel who must fight incredible demons every day and one day she will triumph and wake up with peace. I hope.

Beauty in a bunch of different people doing one thing together.

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(photo “acquired” from the internet and taken by the amazing Joan Marcus)

The following writing, poem for lack of a better word, is inspired by the Company (by company I mean Creatives, Cast, Crew, Producers, Musicians, Managers) of The SpongeBob Musical headed up by Tina Landau and her Viewpoints!

June 19, 2016

An Opening thought for The Best Day Ever…

We have been guided to shape a world with seemingly no rules
so full of joy and colors that it could make a rainbow blush.
We are made stronger by a group gesture of kindness
when the world has delivered pain that has broken through our make-believe.
Our environment is the architecture of mad genius
its slopes and angles offering a comfort that we call home.
There is a spatial relationship between new friends that we quickly call family
this family is there to support us at our most vulnerable moments.
We move at a tempo set for us by the moment we are in
then in the speed of light we are delivered to the moment we live in now.
We remain uncertain of the duration of this beauty we create
but strive to continue with strength and conviction to bring happiness.
All of our senses are alive in a kinesthetic response with the audience
living in the energy that only human response can bring to our art.
Our foundation is built on repetition of action
but within that repetition blows the nuance that leads to change.
Using our soft focus we take in this magical journey with all of its twists and turns
landing in this time, that we’ve come to today, which we all embrace
As. Something. Special.

My viewpoints have been wrapped in a whirl of joy surrounded by beautiful spirits
The familiar who is always ready with a quip full of heart
The one who tries anything and everything beyond comprehension
The professional who wraps us all up into being better
The little engine who could and has done and done and done
The trodder who brings a base of history with their every move
The youth who are still growing into their very talented paws
The creative who have a light in their eyes that cannot be extinguished
The steadfast that offer a calm in the creative storm

I learn and I learn and I learn and I learn and I learn and I learn
you all make me better and for that I remain forever grateful.